round 1

well first round of chemo is done and dusted. I'm pretty up and down this afternoon/evening mood and body wise.

It was a super long day, rocked up early for a blood test that I didn't actually have to have or end up having, had to wait an hour past my appointment time to actually see the oncologist so by the time we actually got to the treatment room we'd already been there 2 hours. I obviously wasn't in the best of moods at this point.

Anywho slight wait for the cocktail to be prepared (stirred not shaken) and we were in; but wait there's more! Naturally my veins sucked today and it took nearly an hour of heat packs, 2 attempts and me almost fainting before the 3rd nurse (yeah you read right 3rd) actually got the needle into a vein they could use.

So I get the lovely red drugs first (about 220ml of a drug that makes my pee go pink for a day or 2); all 5 syringes of them then they switch on my goon bag. All up the drugs only took like 2 hours so we were out of the hospital just after 2pm. Not fantastic but we now know for next time to be well hydrated and take snacks. Oh and also sit in a comfier chair or get the bed. Was hoping to swap the chemo to Rockingham so we wont have to spend so much time and money on travel and parking but it looks like the doc forgot from last time I saw him and the nurse will likely forget to bring it up with him (or I might call and remind next week after Christmas).

Glad I've finished 95% of the Christmas shopping now, was getting down to the wire and I didnt want to have to worry about going out if I wasn't feeling up to it. The nurse suggested wearing a medical face mask if I go to shopping centres to minimise the risk of infection but seriously unless it's a Hello Kitty or bedazzled one I doubt that's gonna happen.

The fundraising has been going great guns, I hadn't expected so much support considering the time of year so I really do appreciate all that everyone has done. I am really looking forward to the head shave and catching up with people I haven't seen in a while and debuting my new 'do'.

Starting to feel crap as I write this so that's all for now, might post more later in the week depending on how I am feeling.

Peace out

amazeballs

been a little while since I've updated, not much has been happening. All the appointments finally slowed down to the point of actually having a full week without any.

Had a very up and down time emotionally in that week but it certainly wasn't the worst I've had so far. Just having periods of meloncholy not for any particular reason for the most part though I have been keeping pretty well.

I have had a load of stress taken off my shoulders by deciding to take a few months off from work, will suck financially for a while but work is just a tad too hectic and considering how many infections etc I've had lately being around dozens of people all day doesn't really appeal.

So for the amazeballs part of the post - most of you (and by most I mean like 95% of you) know that I am doing a fundraising head shave on the 6th January. http://www.mycause.com.au/page/kirbyscloseshave

We've already raised over $2000 in online and offline donations!!! I have been absolutely thrilled with how quickly the amounts went up and how many people have donated money, I know it's not a great time of year to be asking for money but it really does make me feel so loved to see what's coming in. Chris sent the link and an email around his work explaining the situation and they have been amazing, had so many super online donations come in and people giving us cash donations. There is a collection bucket up on site and some of the staff in Melbourne have even organised a raffle.

I asked Chris if he could write a post on my blog for me and he actually went and created his own, http://itsdrabz.blogspot.com.au/  naturally I cried.

Well it's less than a week until chemo starts and I'm starting to feel nervous. No idea why, I sort of know what to expect and I know it wont be painful. More the how I'll feel after is whats eating at me.

I finally hit 25kg lost the other day and I'd like to say I'm feeling better for it but I can't really say that because I know I would probably feel better if it weren't for the cancer. Get rid of one problem to gain another and unfortunately the new one is a lot more serious.

I'm looking forward to Christmas even though my sisters and parents are staying in Kalgoorlie this year (I think it's about time my sisters travelled to Perth for once :P ).

Looking at life like it might be the last time I see that date which I know is a little depressing but when you think about it anything could happen to anyone anytime/anyday so don't wait for something like cancer or illness to come along before you start to live and experience life.

hey all, new update here.

This weeks been a pretty tough week emotionally/mentally. Had bad news with our fertility stuff and we wont be able to try again now so all our eggs are still in my basket and at a slight risk of going off before we get a chance to use them.

I start chemo on the 18th of this month and have to do it once every 3 weeks for 6 cycles. Once thats all done I move onto radio therapy and start a 5 year plan of tamoxifen. Not too happy about the 5 year treatment but I guess I gotta do what the doctors think is best to minimise the risk of recurrence. After all the treatments are done he said the risk should drop to just below 25% which to me still seems pretty damn high. But I'm not the doctor so I have to trust in them.

I'm sorry if I seem to be cutting people out, just sometimes I feel like being around people and sometimes I just like to be by myself.

My arm is slowly but surely getting better, the pain is minimising and I think the sensation is returning is small bits. I've ended up with a slight infection in my axillary incision (2 for 2 on post surgery infections yay me).

More tests coming up next week a PET scan on Monday, a gated heart scan and blood tests on Tuesday and more blood tests on Wednesday. Starting to think I look like a bloody junkie for all the needle marks in my elbow lol.

Weight loss has slowed cause as before the sleeve I am an emotional eater (something I really should get sorted) and since I haven't worked since the 7th November I've been pretty sedentary. Gotta get my butt into gear and start doing some light exercise.

Maybe doing Christmas shopping would help ;)

and the verdict is.........

I'll cut to the chase here, it's stage IIB and I have to have chemo. Then radiotherapy.

I also need to consider having a mastectomy.

Not great news (not that I expected anything different, well maybe I thought I had on the mastectomy front) and not especially happy after having to wait nearly 50 minutes to actually see the doctor to only have a 5 minute consult.

But anyway, she's happy with how I am healing (yay), but also mentioned that although they got all the cancer out there are abnormal cells and I need to think about whether I want to have layers of tissue scraped out or just go in and have the whole breast removed. Now I managed to hold it together while I was there but right now I'm feeling pretty crap.  

The tumour in my breast ended up being 34mm and not the 25mm initially thought and 3 out of the 18 nodes (which is all of the ones in my armpit) they took were cancerous, one they could feel through the fatty tissue, the others were found under the microscope.

I meet with the oncologist on Monday and the nurse said they are one of the best/friendliest I can get.

Of course none of the chemo will start until after we've done all our stuff with the fertility clinic, all I will say is that we are doing IVF under recommendation of 2 doctors and unless I have already spoken with you about it I wont be discussing it with anyone so please do not ask us. No offence it's just a pretty personal matter to me and although I'm happy to talk about my tits my reproductive bits are off limits.

Well the side trip to the seroma clinic on Tuesday was absolutely pointless as the doctor then just said to wait for my surgeon to look at it and she barely looked and said to just let it reabsorb into my body. Sloshy boob is here to stay, at least for a while anyway.

So I now have more decisions to make and I just don't want to have to do it. I know people say to keep positive but sometimes that just isn't possible. Doesn't help that Chris is leaving for work tomorrow but thankfully it's only one week. After the crazy whirlwind 3 weeks he's had off I think he needs a break from me and my neediness haha.

In the space of 3 weeks I've gone from having the initial mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy to a diagnosis, diagnostic testing, surgery, fertility treatments and a constant string of doctors and hospital visits. I've had more than my fill of needles with plenty more to come.

I know I have Kylie on my side watching over me but her situation is always in the back of my mind.

The water boob

Just a quick update here with a creepy yet hilarious side effect from my surgery.

I have had a mild reaction to the adhesives used in the dressings on my incisions and as such am itching like a mofo. I finally got the all clear to remove the dressings from the lumpectomy and axillary clearance sites but i have to leave the drain site covered due to the stitches.

so i felt the urge to scratch come on and I need to be careful of the steri strips that are still in place so instead I give the itch a little rub instead of a scratch. This would have been fine if I didn't hear a massive sloshing sound inside my tit. I swear I thought I had busted it open or something it was so loud. I had to ask chris to listen to incase I was hearing things, sure enough its there.

Turns out I have developed a seroma in my lumpectomy site. It's basically where clear fluid builds up in surgery sites as it can't drain freely. Going to get the HITH (hospital in the home) nurse to check it out tomorrow and maybe freak her out if she's never heard a boob slosh before.

Still trying to get used to the whole being selfish and asking for help and things when I need/want them. Worried how I will go once Chris goes back to work next Friday. I'm still having my weepy moment but we're getting through with humour. I just want next Thursday to hurry up and come so we finally know what the next step is. Oh and I really really want this drain out cause lugging around a canister of bodily fluids is getting gross (the nurses only measure the quantity, they don't empty it so it is getting fuller by the day).

If no one is freaked out by the site of my semi naked side boob I can post a picture of my gory side haha.

home again

well yesterday was the first step in my treatment journey and I had the surgery to remove the affected lump and nodes from my armpit.

Thankfully I was one of the first to go through for surgery so it wasn't a massive long day of waiting like with my sleeve operation. I was wheeled into theatre around 8.30 (or so Chris tells me) and I was awake in recovery around 11am. Everything went smoothly and I woke up with a fair amount of pain in my arm and chest but the nurses said this was most likely due to my arm being raised over my head so long during the operation. Couple of tramadol cleared it up pretty quickly though.

I had a couple of visitors as soon as I was back in my room; Chris (naturally) and my new friend Mel. I hope I wasn't rude or anything cause I was still pretty out of it and don't remember much from our conversation but Chris assures me she is lovely.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, just hours of me and Chris taking turns napping and playing on our phones/iPad.

I was discharged this morning with a lovely drainage tube that will most likely be hanging around for a week or more (until I have 2 consecutive days with 30ml or less of fluid collected). So I will have a home nurse come each day to swap them out.

I got my first proper look in the mirror at my chest and armpit area and I was completely in shock and had a good cry. Lets just say that one looks a lot younger and perkier than the other. My upper arm is still quite numb and the doctor said this was due to the nerves and something during surgery (you can tell I pay a lot of attention when doctors are talking to me about my health eh).

I think I feel more emotional today than any day last week, it's all sort of hit home and I'm realising now how much I will need to rely on Chris and my family and friends to help me.

Speaking of Chris I feel so awful, today is our third wedding anniversary and he was stuck in traffic for over an hour to pick me up and we can't (well I dont want to) go anywhere. He's pretty happy sitting there playing the new COD game though.

I love the guy more than anything and I just want him to know how happy he has made me these last 5 and a half years and I am so happy and proud to be his wife.

the beginning

let me begin by apologising for the manner in which most of you found out about my diagnosis. I had hoped to tell all if not most of you in person myself or know that my parents, sister or brother may have. It ended up my feeling it as right a time as any to post it to facebook at the end of the Relay For Life festivities.

So we jump to the nitty gritty now, I want to use this blog as a way to keep anyone who is interested in being kept up to date with my progress without having an endless stream of texts, private messages and phone calls. I have realised this weekend that it can be very exhausting physically and emotionally to have to explain things dozens of times. I'm sorry if this comes across as a bit rough but that's just the way I am feeling at the moment.

Back to the update, tomorrow morning at 6.30 I will check in at Royal Perth for breast conserving surgery (lumpectomy) and node removal. This means they will remove the lump in my breast along with some 'clean' tissue that surrounds it (they remove the clean tissue for testing to see exactly how far the cancer might be moving, if its in what they believe is clean tissue they will go back in and remove more) and as many lymph nodes from my armpit that they deem necessary. It's only an overnight stay in hospital so I will be back home Wednesday albeit with a lovely drain bag to accessorise with for about a week.

They will send the tissues and nodes they remove off for testing to learn what stage the cancer is at to determine what type of further treatment I will need. As I am having breast conserving surgery I will need to have radiotherapy to kill any remaining cancer cells. I wont know if I will need chemotherapy until my follow up appointment on the 22nd.

That's about all there is to know at the moment. But I will keep updating the blog and letting people know when it is updated.

At the moment I am still pretty upset but staying positive about it all.

Should also let everyone know the Relay went great, our team managed to raise over $16000 and we were the 3rd highest funds raised team. Overall more than $260,000 was raised for the Cancer Council with more money still coming in from the items teams were selling at the event. Sadly it felt like there was less public attendance for the candlelight ceremony than last year.

Their perpetual tropy for the team that raises the most money is named the 'Kylie Fissioli Memorial Trophy' which makes me very happy that her lagacy in helping others is recognised and that she meant a lot to so many.

 my sisters, brother and I after a long night of walking

from left Carrie, Renae, me and Lee

 Chris and I with the giant Daffodil Kylie started and I finished. This was our baton for the relay

All of our team, the Fissiolis and Salters minus Mum and Rachel

the day the Earth stood still

I haven't updated this in a long while when I thought this would be something I would come to do every day or at least once a week. But alas procrastination is a big weakness of mine.

Anyway, sleeve operation itself went well, had some difficulty with the pain meds they had me on so struggled with fluid intake for the first couple of days. We went to Esperance one week after surgery so hubby could go fishing with his dad and I ended up with a wicked infection in my main incision site that left me feeling like absolute crap for a couple of weeks. Struggled with (and continue to struggle) with food intake and having the right balance of foods.

So here we are 9 almost 10 weeks on and I've lost 18kg and  I am pretty damn happy with that. It may be slower than I thought it would be but considering I have put stuff all effort into exercising these last 9 weeks it's good.

Back to the topic of todays post, I was in the shower 3 weeks (or there abouts) and washing the old lady lumps when I felt a bump in my bosom. Not remembering it ever being there I was slightly concerned but left it for a few days for the hubby to come home so he could inspect it (pretty sure he didn't mind that part) and then I would decide if it warranted going to the Dr.

He came home, he saw and he felt and we agreed that it was noticable and I should get it soon. I trundled off to the local female GP the following Monday (hubby comes home from site on Friday nights) after calling work to say I wasn't feeling too well which was true because this lump was really freaking me out. She did the old booby massage and told me I needed to go get a mammogram, ultrasound and FNA (Fine Needle Aspiration = biopsy). I called the radiological clinic and had to wait until Thursday the next week -so 10 days from Dr app- to get in. Again more time needed off work (I'm surprised my boss hadn't fired me by this stage after all the time off I have been asking for to go see my sleeve Dr as well).

All the tests were completed with the only incident being the ultrasound Dr found a second lump in my armpit and biopsied this as well. I walked out with needle stabs and $650 lighter; my jaw hit the floor when I was told what the bill was, I managed to get just over half back from Medicare but was still way more than what I was anticipating.

Now when the Dr finished taking the cells for the biopsy his nurse explained that the films from the mammogram would be ready in 2 days and that the cytology results would take at least 6 working days. I took this into consideration and figured I would just book in to see the GP for the results when we got back from Kalgoorlie and doing the Relay For Life which coincidentally is being dedicated to my sister who passed away from cancer at the start of the year.

Imagine my surprise when I got a call from the nurse at my Dr office on Monday (2 working days and 4 totals days since taking the tests) making an appointment to get my results the next day. This set alarm bells ringing because of what the radiological clinic nurse had told me. I was at work all day so I asked my hubby to go collect my film and see if there was a letter in there, he obliged and there was. He sent me extracts of the letter and through bumbling use of Google I was able to determine that there was a pretty high chance my tests came back positive for malignant cells.

I did a half day at work on Tuesday 6/11/2012 (a day which I will now never ever forget) and rocked up to the surgery with hubby in tow and just from the look on the Drs face when we walked into her consult room I knew what I had already suspected was the truth.

I have cancer.

A lot of what she said is now a blur and it's only been one day since we were told. I do remember the main thing and that was that she was forwarding all my reports and info to Royal Perth Hospital Breast Clinic and that I would have an appointment with them within 2 weeks and that my treatment would most likely be surgery to either remove the lumps or whole breast and possibly chemo, radiation or both after but all that is to be decided at the hospital.

Well the clinic called this morning and I am seeing the surgeon tomorrow afternoon and have to go in early in the morning to have some core biopsies taken.

Everything right now feels like a really bad dream that I'm not waking up from. Chris held it together well through all the appointment while I blubbered. The thing I am dreading most is telling my parents. They've already seen one daughter suffer through and die because of cancer and now I have to go and tell them that another one has to fight it. It just really doesn't seem fair but I am prepared to fight with everything I have and slay the beast that is hiding in my body.

my beautiful sister Kylie and I on my wedding day

14/11/09. She was in between bouts of cancer at this time

 



I broke my pants

So here we are on day 3 and I am feeling like crap. I'm having one of those 'fat' days where I feel really horrible about myself and all I really feel like doing is sitting in front of the xbox or tv and eating everything in the pantry and fridge.

These days happen usually a couple of times a month, no particular thing has to happen or it be TTOTM. Today, it happened because the brand new work pants I got last week and have only worn twice have ripped at the zipper. Don't get me wrong they are still wearable, just that the piece of fabric that hides the actual zipper has torn and now the zip is exposed.

Not such a big deal I can hear you saying but to me it is. The pants I had to order are 2 sizes larger than I normally buy being taller in stature than a lot of women my weight makes it hard to buy pants the right length. For some unknown reason I think clothing companies think fat women are short and hence make their pants about 2 inches too short for me.

Anyway enough of my crummy feelings of self loathing I have decided to try and shed a few kilos (preferrably from my middle and not the bosom) in the hopes of my pants fitting me well enough until my surgery.

Did I mention I was getting a sleeve gastrectomy in August? If I haven't I am.

I am going to try the dreaded shake diet, I know these things are pretty much total garbage but I think that if I am only able to have these shakes and a light protein rich dinner I should be able to knock a couple of kg off and make my pants more comfortable.

Getting sidetracked here but I saw one of the more adorable dogs ever at a customers work shop today. He and his wife and minding their sons Dogue de Bordeaux (think Turner and Hooch) while he and his wife are away for 5 weeks. Butterfly Bella has to be the most placid friendly dog I have ever met, she came up for a sniff and a cuddle then went back and laid on her bed. She got the name butterfly from white markings on her chest that look like a butterfly.

I think if I were a fan of large dogs that would probably be a breed I would go for, sadly they have such short life expectancies.

It's getting late now and I want to go to bed and read a little as I find I sleep a lot better when I have read before sleeping. At the moment I am right into Karin Slaughter books and after finishing the Grant County series I am onto the Atlanta books with Will Trent. Triptych was really good, I enjoyed the writing from both Will Trent and John Shelleys perspectives. Fractured has been enjoyable and I am about a third of the way through.

When my sister passed I received her Kindle as we were both avid book readers (I hadn't been reading as often as I would have liked as paperbacks were getting a little expensive and waiting 3 weeks for Borders to ship to Australia was really starting to bug me) and since getting it at the start of the year I have read about 20 novels. Sadly I am one of 'those' people that actually enjoy Danielle Steele books but thankfully have only bought one so far, a lot of the ones I have previously read have been borrowed from my grandmother. Crime/thrillers also enthral me even though I struggle to understand a lot of the medical jargon in the Kathy Reichs Bones series. I would love to read the Stephanie Plum books but unfortunately it seems Amazons Australia Kindle service thought it would be a good idea to release the books in reverse order and I really don't want to start at book 18 and work backwards.

I can see that there have been a few views of this page since I posted the first entry the other night and I hope that I am entertaining you or at least giving you a break from whatever it is you have been doing.

Night all.

let me introduce myself

I'm not really sure how to begin so I'll just jump right in.

My name is Kirby, I'm 25 and I live in Perth; Australia. I've been happily married to Chris for the last 2 and a half years. We have 3 small dogs Jellybean the tripod (she lost a leg in a car accident), Gizmo the rascal Jack Russell and Millie the adorable Chihuahua cross. Both Chris and I are originally from the mining town of Kalgoorlie and have known each other since we were 7 (I'll explain more about this later).

Ok, that's just a little about me and I'll probably talk more about my family later on but now to the nitty gritty as to why I am even writing a blog.

I have been overweight most of my life but as a child I was pretty healthy although tubby, I played softball in the summer and hockey in the winter and I enjoyed it. I guess everything changed the year I turned 12, my parents decided to move from Kal to Perth so I was almost half way through my final year of primary school when we left and I had to begin at a new school. Needless to say that it wasn't a positive move for me, I had trouble making friends. I was made fun of for my size and country ways and the people who I did think were going to be my friends ended up being some of the meanest to me.

Instead of playing sports and having fun outdoors with my family I sat inside watching tv (I went from having access to 2 channels to 5, it was a big deal back then) and eating more than I ever should have. I have always struggled to make/have friends, I've always been a bit socially awkward both because of my size and just due to the fact I am incredibly shy. Anyways getting back on track 1998 sucked a lot for me.

Transitioning to high school was a little easier, I was now among a pool of new people who were in the same situation as me and I did a little better on the friend front but I still was in the rut of eating and doing not much else.

This lifestyle has followed me into adulthood and I am now at the point of being morbidly obese which horrifies me. My husband is a healthy weight and although I struggle to fathom why he does I know he loves me for my personality and who I am, there's just more of me to love at the moment.

Thing is, we want to start a family sometime in the near future (near being 1-2 years) and my size is getting in the way of that. My increasing disatisfaction at my physical appearance spurred me in my decision to get a referral to a bariatric surgeon and finally get my health in check.

Don't get me wrong, I have tried a lot of different diets (bar the really absurd ones like Dukan, atkins, detox and soup diets) and I would have some success. I could lose 10kg and then not budge for months. So coming to the decision of surgery was not one I took lightly.

So 10 months ago I met with the surgeon to see if I was a candidate and discuss my options, at the time I was decided on getting the lap band. The appointment went well and I decided to up my private health cover and wait out my 12 months and get it over with.

Here we are 2 months to go and I saw my surgeon again this week to book my surgery date and let him know I changed my mind and wanted to do a sleeve gastrectomy instead (look it up, it sounds fricken scary). I have to wait a month longer than I hoped but I am doing this. Both for myself and my relationship with my husband.

This is about all I can manage right now, as we go along I will update you with surgery details/progress and just chat about my life in general. I will TRY and update every day but no guarantees, I am a little busy lately trying to complete 2 certificates with working full time and trying to find time to spend with my husband when he is home from work (he works away on a remote mine site in the north of the state a week at a time).

Hope I haven't bored you all and that you will stick around and see through this journey with me.