round 1

well first round of chemo is done and dusted. I'm pretty up and down this afternoon/evening mood and body wise.

It was a super long day, rocked up early for a blood test that I didn't actually have to have or end up having, had to wait an hour past my appointment time to actually see the oncologist so by the time we actually got to the treatment room we'd already been there 2 hours. I obviously wasn't in the best of moods at this point.

Anywho slight wait for the cocktail to be prepared (stirred not shaken) and we were in; but wait there's more! Naturally my veins sucked today and it took nearly an hour of heat packs, 2 attempts and me almost fainting before the 3rd nurse (yeah you read right 3rd) actually got the needle into a vein they could use.

So I get the lovely red drugs first (about 220ml of a drug that makes my pee go pink for a day or 2); all 5 syringes of them then they switch on my goon bag. All up the drugs only took like 2 hours so we were out of the hospital just after 2pm. Not fantastic but we now know for next time to be well hydrated and take snacks. Oh and also sit in a comfier chair or get the bed. Was hoping to swap the chemo to Rockingham so we wont have to spend so much time and money on travel and parking but it looks like the doc forgot from last time I saw him and the nurse will likely forget to bring it up with him (or I might call and remind next week after Christmas).

Glad I've finished 95% of the Christmas shopping now, was getting down to the wire and I didnt want to have to worry about going out if I wasn't feeling up to it. The nurse suggested wearing a medical face mask if I go to shopping centres to minimise the risk of infection but seriously unless it's a Hello Kitty or bedazzled one I doubt that's gonna happen.

The fundraising has been going great guns, I hadn't expected so much support considering the time of year so I really do appreciate all that everyone has done. I am really looking forward to the head shave and catching up with people I haven't seen in a while and debuting my new 'do'.

Starting to feel crap as I write this so that's all for now, might post more later in the week depending on how I am feeling.

Peace out

amazeballs

been a little while since I've updated, not much has been happening. All the appointments finally slowed down to the point of actually having a full week without any.

Had a very up and down time emotionally in that week but it certainly wasn't the worst I've had so far. Just having periods of meloncholy not for any particular reason for the most part though I have been keeping pretty well.

I have had a load of stress taken off my shoulders by deciding to take a few months off from work, will suck financially for a while but work is just a tad too hectic and considering how many infections etc I've had lately being around dozens of people all day doesn't really appeal.

So for the amazeballs part of the post - most of you (and by most I mean like 95% of you) know that I am doing a fundraising head shave on the 6th January. http://www.mycause.com.au/page/kirbyscloseshave

We've already raised over $2000 in online and offline donations!!! I have been absolutely thrilled with how quickly the amounts went up and how many people have donated money, I know it's not a great time of year to be asking for money but it really does make me feel so loved to see what's coming in. Chris sent the link and an email around his work explaining the situation and they have been amazing, had so many super online donations come in and people giving us cash donations. There is a collection bucket up on site and some of the staff in Melbourne have even organised a raffle.

I asked Chris if he could write a post on my blog for me and he actually went and created his own, http://itsdrabz.blogspot.com.au/  naturally I cried.

Well it's less than a week until chemo starts and I'm starting to feel nervous. No idea why, I sort of know what to expect and I know it wont be painful. More the how I'll feel after is whats eating at me.

I finally hit 25kg lost the other day and I'd like to say I'm feeling better for it but I can't really say that because I know I would probably feel better if it weren't for the cancer. Get rid of one problem to gain another and unfortunately the new one is a lot more serious.

I'm looking forward to Christmas even though my sisters and parents are staying in Kalgoorlie this year (I think it's about time my sisters travelled to Perth for once :P ).

Looking at life like it might be the last time I see that date which I know is a little depressing but when you think about it anything could happen to anyone anytime/anyday so don't wait for something like cancer or illness to come along before you start to live and experience life.

hey all, new update here.

This weeks been a pretty tough week emotionally/mentally. Had bad news with our fertility stuff and we wont be able to try again now so all our eggs are still in my basket and at a slight risk of going off before we get a chance to use them.

I start chemo on the 18th of this month and have to do it once every 3 weeks for 6 cycles. Once thats all done I move onto radio therapy and start a 5 year plan of tamoxifen. Not too happy about the 5 year treatment but I guess I gotta do what the doctors think is best to minimise the risk of recurrence. After all the treatments are done he said the risk should drop to just below 25% which to me still seems pretty damn high. But I'm not the doctor so I have to trust in them.

I'm sorry if I seem to be cutting people out, just sometimes I feel like being around people and sometimes I just like to be by myself.

My arm is slowly but surely getting better, the pain is minimising and I think the sensation is returning is small bits. I've ended up with a slight infection in my axillary incision (2 for 2 on post surgery infections yay me).

More tests coming up next week a PET scan on Monday, a gated heart scan and blood tests on Tuesday and more blood tests on Wednesday. Starting to think I look like a bloody junkie for all the needle marks in my elbow lol.

Weight loss has slowed cause as before the sleeve I am an emotional eater (something I really should get sorted) and since I haven't worked since the 7th November I've been pretty sedentary. Gotta get my butt into gear and start doing some light exercise.

Maybe doing Christmas shopping would help ;)

and the verdict is.........

I'll cut to the chase here, it's stage IIB and I have to have chemo. Then radiotherapy.

I also need to consider having a mastectomy.

Not great news (not that I expected anything different, well maybe I thought I had on the mastectomy front) and not especially happy after having to wait nearly 50 minutes to actually see the doctor to only have a 5 minute consult.

But anyway, she's happy with how I am healing (yay), but also mentioned that although they got all the cancer out there are abnormal cells and I need to think about whether I want to have layers of tissue scraped out or just go in and have the whole breast removed. Now I managed to hold it together while I was there but right now I'm feeling pretty crap.  

The tumour in my breast ended up being 34mm and not the 25mm initially thought and 3 out of the 18 nodes (which is all of the ones in my armpit) they took were cancerous, one they could feel through the fatty tissue, the others were found under the microscope.

I meet with the oncologist on Monday and the nurse said they are one of the best/friendliest I can get.

Of course none of the chemo will start until after we've done all our stuff with the fertility clinic, all I will say is that we are doing IVF under recommendation of 2 doctors and unless I have already spoken with you about it I wont be discussing it with anyone so please do not ask us. No offence it's just a pretty personal matter to me and although I'm happy to talk about my tits my reproductive bits are off limits.

Well the side trip to the seroma clinic on Tuesday was absolutely pointless as the doctor then just said to wait for my surgeon to look at it and she barely looked and said to just let it reabsorb into my body. Sloshy boob is here to stay, at least for a while anyway.

So I now have more decisions to make and I just don't want to have to do it. I know people say to keep positive but sometimes that just isn't possible. Doesn't help that Chris is leaving for work tomorrow but thankfully it's only one week. After the crazy whirlwind 3 weeks he's had off I think he needs a break from me and my neediness haha.

In the space of 3 weeks I've gone from having the initial mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy to a diagnosis, diagnostic testing, surgery, fertility treatments and a constant string of doctors and hospital visits. I've had more than my fill of needles with plenty more to come.

I know I have Kylie on my side watching over me but her situation is always in the back of my mind.

The water boob

Just a quick update here with a creepy yet hilarious side effect from my surgery.

I have had a mild reaction to the adhesives used in the dressings on my incisions and as such am itching like a mofo. I finally got the all clear to remove the dressings from the lumpectomy and axillary clearance sites but i have to leave the drain site covered due to the stitches.

so i felt the urge to scratch come on and I need to be careful of the steri strips that are still in place so instead I give the itch a little rub instead of a scratch. This would have been fine if I didn't hear a massive sloshing sound inside my tit. I swear I thought I had busted it open or something it was so loud. I had to ask chris to listen to incase I was hearing things, sure enough its there.

Turns out I have developed a seroma in my lumpectomy site. It's basically where clear fluid builds up in surgery sites as it can't drain freely. Going to get the HITH (hospital in the home) nurse to check it out tomorrow and maybe freak her out if she's never heard a boob slosh before.

Still trying to get used to the whole being selfish and asking for help and things when I need/want them. Worried how I will go once Chris goes back to work next Friday. I'm still having my weepy moment but we're getting through with humour. I just want next Thursday to hurry up and come so we finally know what the next step is. Oh and I really really want this drain out cause lugging around a canister of bodily fluids is getting gross (the nurses only measure the quantity, they don't empty it so it is getting fuller by the day).

If no one is freaked out by the site of my semi naked side boob I can post a picture of my gory side haha.

home again

well yesterday was the first step in my treatment journey and I had the surgery to remove the affected lump and nodes from my armpit.

Thankfully I was one of the first to go through for surgery so it wasn't a massive long day of waiting like with my sleeve operation. I was wheeled into theatre around 8.30 (or so Chris tells me) and I was awake in recovery around 11am. Everything went smoothly and I woke up with a fair amount of pain in my arm and chest but the nurses said this was most likely due to my arm being raised over my head so long during the operation. Couple of tramadol cleared it up pretty quickly though.

I had a couple of visitors as soon as I was back in my room; Chris (naturally) and my new friend Mel. I hope I wasn't rude or anything cause I was still pretty out of it and don't remember much from our conversation but Chris assures me she is lovely.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, just hours of me and Chris taking turns napping and playing on our phones/iPad.

I was discharged this morning with a lovely drainage tube that will most likely be hanging around for a week or more (until I have 2 consecutive days with 30ml or less of fluid collected). So I will have a home nurse come each day to swap them out.

I got my first proper look in the mirror at my chest and armpit area and I was completely in shock and had a good cry. Lets just say that one looks a lot younger and perkier than the other. My upper arm is still quite numb and the doctor said this was due to the nerves and something during surgery (you can tell I pay a lot of attention when doctors are talking to me about my health eh).

I think I feel more emotional today than any day last week, it's all sort of hit home and I'm realising now how much I will need to rely on Chris and my family and friends to help me.

Speaking of Chris I feel so awful, today is our third wedding anniversary and he was stuck in traffic for over an hour to pick me up and we can't (well I dont want to) go anywhere. He's pretty happy sitting there playing the new COD game though.

I love the guy more than anything and I just want him to know how happy he has made me these last 5 and a half years and I am so happy and proud to be his wife.

the beginning

let me begin by apologising for the manner in which most of you found out about my diagnosis. I had hoped to tell all if not most of you in person myself or know that my parents, sister or brother may have. It ended up my feeling it as right a time as any to post it to facebook at the end of the Relay For Life festivities.

So we jump to the nitty gritty now, I want to use this blog as a way to keep anyone who is interested in being kept up to date with my progress without having an endless stream of texts, private messages and phone calls. I have realised this weekend that it can be very exhausting physically and emotionally to have to explain things dozens of times. I'm sorry if this comes across as a bit rough but that's just the way I am feeling at the moment.

Back to the update, tomorrow morning at 6.30 I will check in at Royal Perth for breast conserving surgery (lumpectomy) and node removal. This means they will remove the lump in my breast along with some 'clean' tissue that surrounds it (they remove the clean tissue for testing to see exactly how far the cancer might be moving, if its in what they believe is clean tissue they will go back in and remove more) and as many lymph nodes from my armpit that they deem necessary. It's only an overnight stay in hospital so I will be back home Wednesday albeit with a lovely drain bag to accessorise with for about a week.

They will send the tissues and nodes they remove off for testing to learn what stage the cancer is at to determine what type of further treatment I will need. As I am having breast conserving surgery I will need to have radiotherapy to kill any remaining cancer cells. I wont know if I will need chemotherapy until my follow up appointment on the 22nd.

That's about all there is to know at the moment. But I will keep updating the blog and letting people know when it is updated.

At the moment I am still pretty upset but staying positive about it all.

Should also let everyone know the Relay went great, our team managed to raise over $16000 and we were the 3rd highest funds raised team. Overall more than $260,000 was raised for the Cancer Council with more money still coming in from the items teams were selling at the event. Sadly it felt like there was less public attendance for the candlelight ceremony than last year.

Their perpetual tropy for the team that raises the most money is named the 'Kylie Fissioli Memorial Trophy' which makes me very happy that her lagacy in helping others is recognised and that she meant a lot to so many.

 my sisters, brother and I after a long night of walking

from left Carrie, Renae, me and Lee

 Chris and I with the giant Daffodil Kylie started and I finished. This was our baton for the relay

All of our team, the Fissiolis and Salters minus Mum and Rachel