Kirby's Not Drunk Kitchen: goodbye Jellybean

I've felt like part of me has been missing this week and really there has been.

I got out of hospital Monday afternoon and spent the evening with Chris and the dogs. Jelly seemed fine that night but by morning she was a lot sicker. Chris had spent a lot of time up and down during the night with her and when I woke just after 7 she had been coughing for a while. (Coughing is a sign in congestive heart failure dogs that their lungs are filling with fluid).

Chris gave her extra medicine in the hopes that would slow her heart and begin to dry out her lungs but it didn't help so around 7.30 we decided to drop her at our local vets to be put on oxygen and for the vet to see her when she got in.

We had already discussed what we would do if she had another coughing episode so we knew in a way what was going to happen, we were just waiting for the vets confirmation. Around 9am Lucy (critical care vet) called Chris and confirmed our worst fears, Jelly had reached the point where medicine would do nothing more for her. We agreed we would head to the vets and do what we needed.

Waiting at the vets was almost as hard as saying goodbye, we decided to pay the bill before we went through to the consult room so that way we could easily leave. We had to sign a consent form for them to give her the drugs but I just couldn't do it, I felt like I was signing her death sentence (which it essentially is) so Chris had to sign.

We were taken through to a consult room to wait while they brought her in, she was still in the oxygen box and looked so sad. Her little heart was working overtime and her chest was pounding. Lucy pulled her out of the box and gave her to me and we could just tell she was struggling to breath and wasn't comfortable. We had a few minutes with her alone to say goodbye and give her hugs.

Lucy came back in after a while and told us what would happen and began administering the drugs. So we sat there and held our girl as her heart slowed and then stopped and she took her last breath, in all it was less than 30 seconds and her pain was over but mine began.

We stayed there and held her for a while longer and said our final goodbyes. Lucy was wonderful through all of this; giving us privacy when we needed it and we could also tell it made her upset as well.

Eventually as much as I wanted to stay there with her I needed to leave so we gave our beautiful girl to Lucy and went home and cried.

We decided to have her cremated and had already picked Lawnswood to come collect her and bring her home. Jelly was delivered home to us on Friday morning and the reality really sunk in that she is gone.

I don't regret the choice we made as it was best for her but I just wish I had more time with her, I feel like I was robbed of those 2 weeks because I was in hospital. It's been difficult adjusting to life without her. Gizmo and Millie are grieving, Gizmo especially has been very quiet since Tuesday and has mostly just slept the days away and refuses to play with Millie.

Jelly was such a big part of our lives and such a big personality. She loved to chase cats and play with Gizmo, she dominated a Weimaraner and took crap from no one. But she loved nothing more than sitting on a lap and having her ears rubbed, she always turned to putty when she had her ears rubbed.